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The Jokes Topic (Do not enter if easily offended)

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One good thing about being 60 is that my investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.:yess:

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I know that you are supposed to be educated at school, but how come they don't teach you the interesting stuff.....

 

Like, how to mermaids reproduce??

 

How do mermaids pee and poop? 

 

I guess that enquiring minds just want to know!!   :P

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Apparently they are making football tables much more realistic these days.

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15 hours ago, Tristarcaptain said:

I know that you are supposed to be educated at school, but how come they don't teach you the interesting stuff.....

 

Like, how to mermaids reproduce?? 

 

How do mermaids pee and poop? 

 

I guess that enquiring minds just want to know!!   :P

 

I rather suspect they have become extinct. Who ever heard of a merman?  If there are mermen then they must adhere to the fish way of reproducing. That would make all mermen w**kers! 

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On 22/05/2018 at 19:09, Tristarcaptain said:

I know that you are supposed to be educated at school, but how come they don't teach you the interesting stuff.....

 

Like, how to mermaids reproduce??

 

How do mermaids pee and poop? 

 

I guess that enquiring minds just want to know!!   :P

I went out with a mermaid once, she had a terrific figure, 36, 24, £3.50 a kilo! :D

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If people only thought about it beforehand... 1f642.png:)

Genuine clips from complaint letters written to various councils..

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.
18. The man next door has as large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

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A Frenchman, and Italian and an Englishman are sat in a bar talking about their sexual prowess(what else?)

The Frenchman says, "When I make love to my girl she rises off the bed feels like she is floating on air!"

The Italian then says, "Ah, You French , you know nothing, When I make love my girl feels like she is and an gel and floating 3 feet above the bed!"

Then the Englishman says, "Hah you two are nothing, Last week when I made love to my wife, she seemed happy enough until I got up and wiped my dick on the curtains, the she went through the f**kin' roof !"

Edited by dodgy-alan
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

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We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

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