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@ Brett.  I love it. so true.

 

We have a cat and a dog. The cat (Blowfeld) is white and small, the dog (Rio) is black and big. Every morning at breakfast they act out the scene with the musical watch in "A few dollars more"

The cat wins.

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6 hours ago, J G said:

@ Brett.  I love it. so true.

 

We have a cat and a dog. The cat (Blowfeld) is white and small, the dog (Rio) is black and big. Every morning at breakfast they act out the scene with the musical watch in "A few dollars more"

The cat wins.

 

That sounds like it could be a 'Catsgeti' Western. I can hear the music now; Meooweoweow...woof woof woof.

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A man turns up at a building site in a Rolls Royce and asks the site foreman if there were any vacancies for bricklayers.
The foreman asks him "Why do you want a brickies job when you've got a Rolls?"
The man says "I got the money to buy that by making bets with people on totally ridiculous outcomes, I just come to work for the banter and beer money"
Dubious the foreman asks "What kind of bets do you make then?"
The man thinks for a moment and says "OK, I'll bet you £20 that if you give me a day's work for a day's pay that by the end of the day you'll have a hernia"
The foreman laughs thinking the man is an idiot and tells him "Get to work then"
During the rest of the day the foreman is careful not to lift anything heavier than a mug of tea and at the end of the day calls the new man over saying "Where's my 20 quid then?"
The brickie replies "No offence, but I've got to check, would you mind dropping your trousers?"
The foreman drops them and the brickie takes his bricklaying trowel and gently lifts the foreman's balls on it. "Cough" he said, and the foreman coughed eliciting the required response.
"That appears to be in order" the brickie sighed and handed the foreman £20.
The foreman shakes his head and asks "How do you make any money with the bets then?"
The brickie points to the rest of the workmen and said "I bet everyone on the site £50 each that at finishing time I'd have your bollocks on my trowel!"

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The dwarf in my pantomime acting group won't let anyone else play Santa's Little Helper but him...

Elfish Bastard...!!

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I’m just astounded that we hadn’t heard of this before. Maybe there is a lack of fart facts that can be plagiarised and regurgitated, ad infinitum.

 

There’s a thought though! With the right subject material, you could just keep responding to people’s posts just so you have the last say, at the same time taking the thread further and further away from the original topic until you get around to discussing power generation in China. This could give people the shits enough that the resultant overload of flatulence generated could be stored on a fart grid, thereby reducing shortages during periods of high fart gas usage.

 

Now, all we have to do is work out how to capture fart generation in China and the world’s fossil fuel problems will be solved and we will have an endless supply of gas to run all the fart cars in the world.

 

Next, a hybrid fart plane. :pilotic:

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7 hours ago, Andrew Godden said:

 

Next, a hybrid fart plane. :pilotic:

 

They are already on it.  Have you eaten airline food recently?

 

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Donald Trump is standing next to a large swimming pool having a conversation with a democrat.

A little boy runs out and dives into the water swimming out to the center where he sinks to the bottom.

Trump WALKS across the water and sticks arm in pulling the drowned boy out.

He walks back on top of the water to the poolside laying the boy on the

concrete, touches his forehead and the little boy instantly comes back to life.

The democrat shouts out to all the observers,

" See I told you..... Trump cant even swim."

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On ‎12‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 13:41, J G said:

They are already on it.  Have you eaten airline food recently?

 

Farts may be green, but they aren't GREEN.  Methane is a greenhouse gas that is several times worse than that infamous we're-all-gonn'a-die Carbon Dioxide.

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ODE TAE A FERT       

This poem is appropriate for reading to an audience shortly after they have eaten the haggis: and the above subject on the fart car !!

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin’ all ower the place.

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’bodys gonnae have tae pay
Even if ye try to stifle,
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it daes nae reek.

But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap a thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me, a sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks;
Hope I huvnae **** ma breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell, its no ma worry.

A’body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.

Wis him! I shout with accusin glower,
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
I dinnae feel welcome any mair.

Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o won wee ferty.
 
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