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Jokes topic (Do not enter if easily offended)

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A young rabbit was out for his first time and trying to cross a busy highway, an older rabbit came up , looked at his young companion and said " what's up?" The young bunny replied, "i'm just not sure how I can get across this busy road without getting hit" "ah thats easy "said the older rabbit," you just run to the middle of the first lane and stop, wait until the approaching car has passed over you, then run to the middle of the next lane, stop, wait for the car coming the other way to pass over you, then run to the other side, it's easy!" "Hmm i'm not so sure about that" said the younger rabbit. The older one then said, "look , watch, i'll show you," Off he runs and completes the crossing safely. The younger rabbit, still wary runs to the middle of the first lane, he crouches down as the first car passes over him, "wow, this is easy" he said to himself and runs to the second lane, the car approaches..and Bang, crunch, the young rabbit is flattened, The older rabbit watching from the side is horrified, " Oh Crap!" he says mournfully, "I forgot to warn him about Reliant Robins!"

 

(explanation for our overseas freinds,)

 

http://www.motorstown.com/imgs/48510-reliant-robin-4.html

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They were downright dangerous if you didn't know how to drive them properly, prone to falling over if you cornered too fast,(A lot of people tended to plant a sack of potatoes in the passenger seat if being driven driver only!) even so they sold thousands of them as they were great city cars, and being fibreglass, they didn't rust, The Robin was very popular and replaced the Regal III which Joe has posted. (A 4 wheeled version called the Kitten was also available, but as it was then classed as a car and not a tricycle it had to pay full car road tax as opposed to motorcycle rates for the 3 wheelers, hence they were not so popular.)The vans were in fact slightly more stable as the load kept them glued down ! The Robin was replaced by the Rialto during the 80s but the name never caught on and the next incarnation returned to the Robin name. All the variants are regularly misnamed as Robin Reliants, especially by the entertainment fraternity. Inspite of the jokes (Plastic pigs, 3 pin plugs etc)those in the know greatly value these little cars and rightly so, they are a legend in Britain.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reliant

 

http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=reliant+cars&hl=en&tbo=u&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ei=q4UXUd

 

 

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Ok, First off. I only found this thread today. Brian, Did you know that under my raven hair I'm actually a natural blonde? I'm afraid I may have to punish you, or fix your back. Depends on how well my 6 inch heels hold up whist i walk on you. 

 

Now Since I'm me. (not always the case some might say.) Here are some Goth Lightbulb jokes. Enjoy.

 

 

 

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
What's a lightbulb?

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, oneto change it and two to talk about Lord Byron's Grand Tour and
creative uses of laudinum in a metaphysical environment.

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, but one has to light the candle.

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they'd rather sit in the dark and cry.

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just embrace the darkness.

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to replace the UV tube, and one to put Floodland on.

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
, we have candles.

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the lights wouldn't be one anyway.

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it for a purple bulb and one to plug the smoke machine in.

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. One to change the bulb, five to scream "Turn that bloody light off!"

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Darn it Joe, you beat me to the nostalgia joke!

My next favourite (and thankfully aviation-related in some sense), is the maxim: "Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana".

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Isn't that the car often featured in Mr Bean's comedy series? Other than Bean's Mini, that is.

Oops, I replied to this before changing pages. Ref: the Robin.

Cheers,

March

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Light bulbs...

 

- - - -

 

How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Three, one to change the bulb and two to sing a sad song about the old bulb.

 

- - - -

 

How many polite Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Both of them.

 

- - - -

 

How does Madona change a light bulb?

 

She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

 

 

John

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How many cambridge dons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Change? What is change?

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Q. How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Three.

One to screw it in, one to read out the checklist and one to whine about having to do it themselves...
 

 

 

 

A couple of F-15's are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk comes ‘round to the relative merits of their respective aircraft. Of course the fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth, while the putting down the Herc’s deficiencies in these areas.

After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah? Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about." Naturally, the fighter jocks challenge him to demonstrate.

"Just watch," comes the quick retort.

And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continuing to fly straight and level..

After several minutes the Herc pilot comes back on the air, saying "There! How was that?"

Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots reply, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

And the Herc pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went back an took a leak."

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In a similar vein to Brett's above...

 

Same situation, but F-15s are escorting a BUFF.  The usual banter goes back and forth and finally the B-52 pilot says, "OK, I'm going to challenge you.  I'm about to do something and I'd like to see you do the same."  The fighter jocks watch and the old bomber just continues to plod along sedately.  Finally, one says, "When are you going to do it?"  The BUFF-driver replies, "I already did - I shut down two engines -  your turn."

 

John

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A B-52 again in this one....

 

There's an old story about an F-16 pilot calling ATC for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."  ATC told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one shut down.

"Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach!"

 

John

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Now the Pope is quitting , they have to find a new one. Here's a few suggestions....The Pope Factor, Pope Idol, Strictly come Poping, Poping with the stars, I'm a Pope, get me out of here, Any Pope will do, Opportunity Popes, My big fat Pope choosing! Poping on ice! Pope'll fix it!.......

There are now rumours that traces of old Pope have been found in Lasagne and Burgers!..........as opposed to Vicars and choirboys!

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Benedict was the first non-Italian Pope in centuries.  It will be interesting to see if Rome re-asserts itself or if the next Pope will also be from somewhere outside the boot.

 

Maybe Berlusconi will throw his hat in the ring, or Sarkozy, for that matter. 

 

Interesting times...

 

John

 

EDIT:  Oops - how could I have forgotten about the Polish Pope who preceded him?  OK, lets make that the second non-Italian Pope in centuries.  Senior moment....

 

JDA

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Interesting.........

M31’s post #92 is blank on my iPad when I try to read it using the iPad default browser. So I loaded the mobile version of Chrome and it refuses to load the page at all. Error 102, unknown file type.

Must be a great joke! I'll boot the big guy and see if it shows up on that OS.

cheers,

March

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Hi John,

It's a video of Bill Bailey on stage playing guitar.

Check out youtube it should be on there.

Cheers

Brian

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Fantastic!

 

I got both once I booted the laptop. Crapple fails again! If anyone can come up with ANYTHING the iPad does well, please let me know.

 

Loved the Bill Bailey cut. Sent it off to my brother who is a very accomplished guitarist. He calls the electronic enhancements "noise".

 

Poor woman - she had a nice voice, though.

 

 

 

Ok - back to jokes

 

There's this doctor, drives a big Mercedes. 

 

One day he has a mechanical problem with the car and takes in to the local mechanic. As the mechanic is tinkering about in the innards, he remarks: "This is sort of like what you do, isn't it?"

 

The doctor looks at him and says. "try doing that while it's running"

 

Cheers,

March

 

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A man's beloved dog dies. Fearing the worst, but with a spark of hope, he rushes the pooch to the vet's office and implores the doctor to see if anything can be done. The doctor performs a cursory examination of the dog and says, "Sir, I'm very sorry, but your dog is dead."

 

Refusing to accept that, the man again begs the doctor to do whatever he can, however desparate, to see if there is still a glimmer of life that can bring his faithful pet back. The doctor shrugs, warning the man it may be expensive and is almost certainly hopeless but the man is unrelenting.

 

The vet aquiesces, leaves the examining room and comes back with two more animals, a Black Labordor Retriever and a Siamese cat with an attitude. The newly arrived dog approaches the dead one and eyes it carefully, gives it a couple of sniffs, puts his tail between his legs, and returning to the doctor, lies on the floor with his head in his paws and makes several mournful whining sounds.

 

Next the doctor picks up the disainful feline and puts him on the examining table with the patient. The cat, looking somewhat disgusted, walks up and down a couple of times, turns to the Dr. and just shakes his head slowly.

 

The dog owner finally accepts the inevitable. Later, in the outer office, the man is presented with a bill for $2,500. He screams in outrage and demands to talk to the vet again. When the receptionist calls the vet back to the desk, the man, now extremely irate, shouts, "How can you charge me $2,500? I was only here ten minutes and you did essentially nothing."

 

The vet calmly replies, "Sir, if you'd accepted my initial diagnosis the charge would have been $20. You insisted on more. You must realize how expensive LAB tests and CAT scans are these days.

 

John

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